Handling Awkward Wedding Situations with Ease
While we hope that every wedding and reception goes smoothly, many brides and grooms have that one nagging worry that sits in the back of their minds. Perhaps it is the uncle who gets feistier the more he imbibes, or maybe there is bad blood between divorced parents, or tension between estranged friends or siblings. The possibilities, unfortunately, are endless. Good manners and sensitivity should prevail on both sides, and luckily there are proactive ways to handle so many of these sticky situations. A few of the more common worries are addressed below, so read on for some stress-reducing tips.
Divorced Parents Animosity between divorced parents and new spouses is likely the most common wedding day hazard. If you aren’t quite lucky enough to have had a Brady Bunch style joining of families, there are some etiquette guidelines that can help you navigate this minefield and keep the peace. First of all, separately speak to the parties involved and ask them to put aside their differences for this day and then, use good judgment and find ways to limit their interaction. At the church, the family that the bride or groom lived with sits in the first pews – usually this is the mother and her husband and the mother’s family. Traditionally the bride’s mother is seated last, and then ushered out first. If she is remarried, her husband may accompany her, unless he is giving away the bride at the beginning of the ceremony. The father and his wife will sit in the following rows. At the reception seat them at separate tables with enough distance that they feel comfortable and can relax. Be sure to speak to all involved beforehand and let them know your plans. They will appreciate you being sensitive to their feelings. The same advice goes for any estranged friends or relatives; seat them separately and ask them to put aside their differences for the day.
As to who gives away the bride, there are traditions but the heart should really lead you here. If the bride is close to her father, then he should give her away. If she was raised by her stepfather, she may choose him instead. Mothers give brides away often now, and if divorced parents are on good terms the mother and father can even walk the bride down the aisle together. Of course brothers, grandfathers, and even close male friends can fill this role as well. Whatever you decide is fine, but if it will not be your biological father, and he will be attending, be sure to speak to him about it beforehand.
As to the father-daughter dance, the same rules apply. Dance with whoever walks you down the aisle. If you are close to both men, perhaps they could share these two traditions, one walking you down the aisle, one dancing the father-daughter dance. Or perhaps have two father-daughter dances. Or do away with this tradition altogether and have a dance where all of the family members join in.
The Uninvited So many brides agonize over the guest list and struggle with limiting it based on financial or spatial limitations. After all is said and done, and the invitations are mailed, suddenly someone invites himself to your wedding. Or you sent an invitation to a friend only, and they call to ask if they can bring a date. In either case, they should know better and you have absolutely every right to politely say no. The one exception perhaps is if you find out that your guest is engaged or living with a serious partner and you were not aware. In this case extending an invitation to the significant other is in order.
Whether or not to invite children is a heavy decision as well, and your decision should be clearly communicated on carefully worded invitations. When addressing the invitation, if young ones are welcome, put their names on the invitation. Invited children over 18, even if living at home, get their own invitation. If you get an unexpected phone call from a parent of uninvited children, you have every right to say no here, too. Whatever your reason for not wanting children at the function, it is acceptable to say you just don’t have the space. Keep in mind that “no children” needs to mean no children; there is no way to politely invite some and not others. If children are welcome, a babysitter on hand for the evening can help keep them entertained, so let your guests know about this in advance.
Unfortunately, in the case of any uninvited guests who arrive without your prior knowledge, it is your duty as hostess to accommodate them as best you can. It may help to be prepared in advance for this possibility, and make sure you have a brief discussion with your wedding planner or caterer about options. And since the occasional guests are unable to make the wedding at the last minute, it may be an easy enough fix. Keep a “more the merrier” attitude, and if you feel you must, you can talk to the offending guest at another point.
One Too Many Of course, whether invited or not, unruly guests need to be handled quickly and quietly. With the popularity of an open-bar reception, perhaps the most common worry is that one of your guests will have one too many cocktails. Begin by making sure there is plenty of food on hand early on; a heavy appetizer period during cocktail hour will help, and lots of non-alcoholic options too. Should a guest become out of control, the first goal is to get them out of the room. A good friend can guide them to the lobby or outside. Absolutely make sure they are not driving by taking their keys, as the host of the event can be held liable should there be an accident.
The wonderful thing about modern weddings is that the rules are becoming blurred and you really can choose to do anything you want at your wedding. There are defined rules of etiquette that you can follow for many situations, but often it is just as good, and just as “proper” to follow your heart. The key to it all really is communication. Talk to those involved, not only so they know what is happening the day of the wedding, but also so they understand that your goal is to ease tensions so that everyone can enjoy the moment along with you.
Return to Articles »
|
