The Ultimate List
by Michelle Madden Smith
Dream Big
So you're engaged! The date for the day you've dreamed about your whole life is set, and now you get to plan the most fun party you can imagine. Deciding whom to invite can be one of the easiest or one of the most challenging parts of your wedding planning. But by keeping a fun attitude, you can figure out how to find just the right mix of people that will keep you and your families happy while satisfying your budget.
Early on you should open a bottle of wine, have a lighthearted discussion about the wedding and then put together a wish list. Have you dreamed of a big, boisterous, dance party with the groom's second-cousins line dancing with your college roommates? Or have you envisioned
something more intimate, a collection of family and close friends gathered in a small celebration of your joyful union? Did you have your heart set on a particular church or reception site? Now think of every single person on the planet that you think you might like to invite to your wedding. Dream big. Assume budget and venue are not a concern. Remember to include the distant relatives, old family friends, and professional colleagues your parents may insist upon this is their day too! This wish list gives you a place to start.
Looking back at your list, did you just invite 250 people to your intimate gathering? Does the reception hall only hold
100 people? And most importantly, does your budget only allow for 75? Here is where dreams and reality start to come together.
May I Cut In?
Knowing budgetary and space constraints gives you a target number to shoot for. Begin by editing your wish list into an A and B list. The A list are those that must attend such as your grandparents, your favorite cousin, close friends, et cetera, and can be added to and finessed until you reach your target number. The B list includes those that you would enjoy having at your wedding, but are not necessarily must-haves. These guests can be moved to the A list as space allows or as invitees RSVP that they will not be able to attend. Keep in mind that 10-20% of those invited to a wedding decline, so allow yourself an extra 10% of invitees so that you are sure you meet any venue guarantee you have in your contract. Fine tuning your final guest list as your wedding day draws near is common, and should you discover you have room for a few more guests it is perfectly acceptable to call people to invite them warmly and personally.
Parental Control
Another important factor in determining the wish list is who is footing the bill. Traditionally, the bride's parents finance the wedding and therefore are inclined to feel comfortable inviting more people. Or perhaps the groom's family is quite large and is taking up a large portion of your A list. Keeping an open and honest dialogue with your families can help to avoid any pitfalls and can help pave the way for generous compromises. If you're paying for the wedding yourselves, you ultimately have the final say on your guest list. A nice solution in this case is allowing more parental invitees as space allows, if your parents would be willing to chip in and cover the costs for the additional guests.
You Must Be This Tall to Attend This Wedding
Deciding whether or not to allow children is one thing you should take time to consider. For some, a child's lively energy only heightens the celebratory atmosphere, and represents the circle of life and family. But, for others a child is a potential distraction or worse a worry (oh, the cake!). Often a daytime wedding is a more natural time to welcome smaller guests since it may be less formal and they are more likely to be awake. Outdoor weddings may also give them a place to play. Evening weddings can be more formal, less child friendly, and can also be viewed as an opportunity for their parents to cut loose. Hiring a babysitter to be on-hand for the day or evening is a great way to walk the line by allowing the children and also giving the parents some time to enjoy and be present with you. Be aware that this is often an all or nothing decision, and some guests may feel offended and choose not to come without their
children. Take a deep breath and let your heart lead you here.
Best Friends Forever
As you are making your tough final decisions about your guest list, one way to help decide is asking yourself how relevant these people are in your life. Rather than just obligatory invitations (you attended their wedding years ago), consider whether or not these potential guests will be in your life a few years from now. This is your wedding and all of these wonderful people are being asked to come and share this day with you, to witness it. Fill your guest list with those you will continue to share your life with for years to come.
Return to Articles »
|
